nicer shape i still think re framign you shoudl shoot wider and then if you think its appropriate crop in post production that way at least you have a full image
im a fan of tight intimate crops too but in this case i think it looks likemisframing
also the slight blur is a bit strange but this is just a matter of more attention and pateince needed in post production
i applaud your resourcefulness by building a makeshift light
modifer very very good
also regardign the neck watch the ripples, just need to change pose a little to avoid these small things
for studio work striving for perfection and watching details is key